I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
