I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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