worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
