as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
