It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
