That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
