Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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