And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
