hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
