dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
