Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
