My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
