do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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