3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
