i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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