i already hear my dad disowning me
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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