Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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