2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
