I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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