i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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