there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
