We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
