So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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