I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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