K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
