I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
