Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
