1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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