Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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