dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
