I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
