You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
