when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
