Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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