New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
