I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
