she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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