Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
