He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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