Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
