i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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