and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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