Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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