I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
