Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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