It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
