what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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