Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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