You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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