i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
