Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
