pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
