paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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