Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
