You smell like a Billy Joel song
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize