My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
