guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
