Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
she smelled like a LAN party
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize