Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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