why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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