Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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