I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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