He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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