Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
