Yo dont text me then not text me
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
