I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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