Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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