Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
