jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
